I Heart Fossil Fuels

Show the world you’re not just “carbon-neutral” in opinion, you’re carbon-positively obsessed with the sweet, sweet black gold that built civilization while your ex was busy recycling yogurt lids.

Wear it to the next climate-panel brunch and watch everyone quietly check their rideshare ETA, adjust their petrochemical yoga pants, and remember that “renewable” doesn’t mean “runs on vibes.” Because deep down, we’ve all thought: I’d love to save the planet… right after I charge my 12 devices and order something from Amazon.

Perfect for the unrepentant realist who enjoys controversial luxuries like “indoor heating” and “getting to work on time.” Rock it at the next “Just Stop Oil” roadblock and politely explain that since petroleum comes from ancient algae, you’re technically supporting a plant-based lifestyle, it’s just vintage. And if dinosaurs didn’t want to be turned into horsepower, they shouldn’t have been so flammable.

Wear it proudly. The polar bears already have fur coats. They’ll be fine.